Let's Dance

Hi my name is Pamela and I am a recovering addict.

Wow, I can hardly believe 28 days have passed since I first posted about this addiction. Today is my 29^th day of food-sobriety and I feel terrific. I never knew I could feel so free while taking better care of myself. In AA and NA they use the serenity prayer as a mantra in each meeting. I decided to start each day incorporating that into my morning talks with my Heavenly Father. ­

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, (like the ingredients in processed food that triggers a binge in my body, or the fact that stress can be a trigger for me too.) The courage to change the things I can (I can change the way I react to those triggers and I can change what I eat so that most of those triggers are avoided. I can get enough sleep, and drink enough water so that my body is operating fully charged and fueled properly) and the wisdom to know the difference (I must do what I can do this day, this moment, unless I am healthy and walking in food sobriety, I cannot be useful to anyone else.)

Step 4 says this, “Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.”

When I first read it I didn’t think that really applied to food addiction. I mean, overall I am one of the most moral people I know. I don’t even watch TV that has violence or illicit sexual themes, I don’t get drunk, I don’t use drugs, I don’t usually cuss, I love my country, my mama and my dog, I don’t cheat on my husband…Yep, I could go on and on. Moral inventory seemed more appropriate for people who struggle with bad morals. But, I want to do this with integrity, so I decided to ask God to show me anything I needed to recognize as immoral in my life, or anything that was hindering me from the freedom to live healthy and food-wise in sobriety.

We tend to label things according to what we find to be moral, but none of us is without sin, therefore no one is completely moral. Lusting after Nutty Bars, Committing Gluttony with French onion dip, following a binge with sloth thereby keeping every calorie preserved in our hips and many other practices of the food-addict are all immoral by God’s standard. If we really allow God to show us the truth of our lives and take that FEARLESS moral inventory, we will recognize the things we CAN change with the help of God.

The good thing is, I already took a moral inventory at the same time I admitted my powerlessness over this addiction in step one. The hard part is, there is still more God is revealing to me as I walk in my sobriety and these steps are not a group of instructions that you follow one at a time until you have worked all 12. All 12 have to be worked all the time. Initially you have to come to understand them one at a time, but I believe these steps are more like a dance than a lesson plan. Thankfully most dances I know don’t have 12 steps to learn, but this life of sobriety is like, 1-2-3-Kick…repeat.  Every day that I dance in food sobriety is a day closer to understanding how much God can use me when I am not under bondage to unhealthy foods and stress induced habits.

Let’s dance!

Are you healthy? Comparitively?

I Googled healthy to see what the definitions would be. It was exactly what I expected, still as I took time to really read the definitions it made me think of how relatively they may be interpreted. Over the next week or so, I'm going to look at all of those definitions and how they affect my goals of a healthier life.


Healthy:
health•y adjective /ˈhelTHē/ 
healthier, comparative; healthiest, superlative

This part made me think. Not even to the definitions yet, and I saw a huge stumbling block for myself.

 I know that I am overweight, I know that I need to be more consistent when it comes to eating right and exercising, but I am healthier than a lot of people I know, and in some circles, I am the healthiest in the crowd. We need to be careful not to make such comparisons. Doing so can create a false sense of health. It's like wanting to be photographed with people larger than me, so no one notices how much weight I need to lose. It doesn't change the facts, it's just a lie to make us feel better about the thing that makes us feel worse. No wonder we walk around confused so much of the time.

I had a friend once who refused to be friends with anyone thinner than she. When I found that out, I actually pulled away from her "friendship". It felt a lot like codependency in supporting an addiction. Not good. Friendships based solely on a common addiction, problem or destructive lifestyle are rarely lasting once one person has moved toward a healthier life. It is very difficult to bring others with you, unless they are motivated and working toward the same goal themselves. I used to try to motivate people to get healthy with me. Then I realized that while I am on the journey, I can encourage them and share what I learn along the way...but I can't be an effective cheer leader until I learn to reach the goal myself.

I can understand the concept though. If we go to lunch with a friend who eats right, or only finishes a rational amount of the food that is on their plate and skips dessert, then it can bring a ton of guilt if we want to order, "the double bacon cheeseburger with extra mayo and a side of fries"...eat the WHOLE thing and then finish with the, "double chocolate brownie sundae for dessert...and NO we don't need three spoons, thank you."  

If we stick with friends who are in the same boat, we can follow their lead and feel justified in making unhealthy choices. I actually had a friend scold me for ordering healthy in a restaurant, because then she felt guilty for ordering what she wanted. It is amazing to see how much pressure we put on ourselves based on the behavior of those around us. It's okay to make your own choices, not based on what your friends are doing. Isn't that something we learned in elementary school?

Remember, "If your friends jumped off a building, would you do it too?"  But today we would call ourselves smarter because we went last, even after we saw everyone else having heart attacks and developing diabetes? Yes, mom had something there. I know that if I don’t do the things my body needs to stay healthy, it won’t be long before the abuses I have inflicted on myself every time I shovel in a donut instead of fruit , will catch up with me and I will be less healthy than I am now. The comparison must be with our own body…am I as healthy as I can be? If not, why not? Life changes have to come from a motivation to be the best ME I can be. Lets get motivated! You can do this!