Week One...

Hi, my name is Pamela and I am addicted to unhealthy food.

Here I am, one week into recovery and I have lost 9 pounds. I have not counted calories, I have not measured things, I have not "dieted". I have simply started each day committing to food sobriety. There were a few times that it was a little bit challenging. I'm not going to lie, this journey to healthy wholeness is not going to be without temptation or speed bumps. But, it is completely necessary if I am going to live past 50. (That's only 6 years away...Yikes)

My first hurdle of the week came Friday morning. I was heading home from work and was suddenly so hungry. I had eaten breafkast, but it was almost lunchtime, but my reaction surprised me. My brain immediately started gps-ing the closest fast food drive through. It was like a map was broadcast in my head. This time though, I did not see that as a response to hunger, but as a response to addiction. Yes, I needed to eat fairly soon, but I was not going to die without an immediate food fix. I could drive home and walk to the kitchen in order to satisfy my hunger. Whew, situation averted, food-sobriety in check.

The second hurdle was Sunday Morning at church. No, I was NOT tempted to raid the communion closet for crackers. I was however, positioned in a room very close to three boxes of donuts. I was visiting our youth Sunday School for a new column I'm writing for a magazine in the teen market. I was the first one in the classroom other than whomever had delivered the sweet treats for the class. The smell of sugared bread filled the room. My mouth watered. I went to sit at the table furthest from the donuts, and sipped my bottle of water while I waited for the class to get there. Of course that only added to the scene. As soon as the teens arrived it was a donut  frenzy. Powedered sugar everywhere,  muffled voices talking with their mouths full of pastry, cream and frosting. I was doing okay though, My water was nearly empty and I felt full enough to ignore my brain's direction to "just have one, it's no big deal." Soon the teacher took control of his class, and introduced me so that I could talk to the kids. Whew, I made it...food-sobriety in tact one more time.

Driving home from church I reflected on the morning. I won't conquer this addiction one day at a time. It must be achieved one moment at a time. Making the right choice and committing my will to the power of God in my life at each turn is the only way I am going to stop the cycle of addiction in my life.

At home that afternoon I did something I hadn't done in years. I allowed myself to take a nap. Growing up our whole family enjoyed a little Sunday Siesta after church, but as an adult I always feel guilty if I take a nap. But, I have noticed, that when I am very tired, I will eat out of a desire to refuel, often choosing sugary or starchy foods thinking I need the energy. What if I truly just need a little rest? Indeed, I felt refreshed and ready to finish the day after my slumber. But, I woke up a little past when I should have started cooking supper for my hubby. The solution? Call the Pizza Place.

Oh boy...here we go...I'm sure I am the only one to ever do this, but I usually cannot make it home with a full pizza. The smell get's the best of me and I always lift the lid and pull out a slice on the drive home. I know, it's crazy, but it has been a very real part of this food addiction for years. We live 30 minutes from the nearest pizza place, and sadly, I have consumed half of a pizza by the time I hit my drive way on more than one occasion. It's embarrassing to admit it...but it's true. So, I had to go pick up the pizza for the family. Before I left I decided what I was having for supper so I could look forward to that, hoping it would keep me from falling into the pizza box.

It worked. I put the pizza in the back seat where I could not easily reach it and it made it home with every piece in place. I'm not saying I can never have a slice of pizza without falling of the food wagon, but I certainly don't need to mindlessly munch on the drive home.

My dinner was watermelon and it was so good. After I ate that I did enjoy a slice of pizza, but not half the pie. And, I skipped the meat-lovers for a slice filled with veggies. I was shocked that just a slice could be satisfying, but eating it rationally, after filling up on healthier choices, allowed me to actually enjoy it. Sometimes HOW we eat is as important as WHAT we eat.

So, the result after the first week? I am still addicted to food, but I have achieved one week of food-sobriety and I will continue to walk in that for another day, week, month, year...hopefully the rest of my life. If I can do this, so can you.

Keep coming back, it works if we work it.

Breakfast Isn't Boring in Pamela's Kitchen

Hi, My name is Pamela and I am addicted to unhealthy foods. 

Five days into recovery and I am feeling great. This morning I wanted a yummy weekend breakfast, so I went to the fridge and got creative. I know, that could be dangerous, but I have purged most of the high fats and empty sugars from the shelves, so I was able to make a great choice.  YUM...the result was this super flavorful omelet. 

I just took 1 egg and the white from another and beat them in a bowl with a nice whisk. (Did you know, the bigger your whisk, the fluffier your eggs will be?) then I sprayed a skillet with non stick spray, turned on the heat until the pan was nice and hot, then I turned it to low. Next I poured the egg in, covered it and let it cook for a couple of minutes. The lid will help it cook through so its not runny anywhere. I spooned on a bit of my pesto and grated about half an ounce of smoked mozzarella on top of that. Next I carfully folded it over, topped it with sliced tomato and just a bit more cheese for garnish. This is seriously good, and good for you. A great start for a Healthy Saturday. 

Pamela's Favorite Sundried Tomato Pesto

Ingredients

4 ounces sun-dried tomatoes

2 tablespoons chopped fresh basil

2 tablespoons chopped fresh parsley

2 teaspoons chopped garlic

1/4 cup chopped pine nuts

3 tablespoons chopped onion

1/4 cup balsamic vinegar

1 tablespoon tomato paste

1/3 cup crushed fresh tomatoes

1/3 cup olive oil

salt to taste (I don’t use any.)

Directions

Place sun-dried tomatoes in a bowl and cover with warm water for 5 minutes, or until tender.

In a food processor combine sun-dried tomatoes, basil, parsley, garlic, pine nuts and onion; process until well blended. Add vinegar, tomato paste, crushed tomatoes and process. Stir in olive oil Season with salt to taste.

Excellent Lunch recipe!!!! Zucchini Fritters with Tomato

Hi, my name is Pamela and I am addicted to food.

Well, at least certain foods. I have found that because of that I need to really enjoy the healthier options I find. As I sat staring at a zucchini on my counter, knowing it was a great idea to actually eat it, I began to dread the process of steaming, or sauteing this summer-garden favorite. I like zucchini well enough, but it is not special in the appetite centers of my mind. I had to do something to make it more appealing. This is the recipe I came up with that gave me the goodness of the vegetable, plus a serving of protein, dairy and a bit of Lycopine from a friendly tomato. Of course you can adjust it a bit if you are allergic to dairy or have issues with any of the ingredients...but this is the recipe for my lunch today...and it was a PLATE FULL of amazing. 

Non-stick spray

2 eggs

2 cups grated zucchini

½ cup grated onion

1 Tsp freshly ground black pepper

8 tomato slices

2 ounces grated cheese (your favorite)

Beat eggs, add zucchini, onion and pepper. Spray griddle with non-stick spray and place on burner, over medium heat. When it is hot, spoon half of zucchini mixture onto griddle in four small mounds. Push them down to flatten a bit. Cook for about two minutes and then flip them carefully. 

Place about a quarter ounce of cheese on each zucchini patty, top with a tomato slice, flip again so that the tomato is on the bottom. Cook about two more minutes. Place fritters on a plate, sprinkle with a bit more cheese. Repeat with remaining mixture and cheese. Serve hot. Makes 2 generous servings at approximately 215 calories each. 

Step Two: I believe that a Power greater than myself can restore me to sanity.

.My name is Pamela and I am addicted to food. 

Yes, I will likely start many blog posts that way for a long time. Why? Because it is the truth and in order to gain control of an addiction, you must start with truth. I looked up the 12 steps of AA and over the next few weeks I am going to apply them to my relationship with food, posting frequently to this blog. I need the accountability of all of you. And we all need to know we are not alone in this journey. Please feel free to comment with your stories, re-post the blog on your facebook pages and take an active role in your own recovery and journey toward better health. 

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I have always believed, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” I still do. But the guilt over my weight had crippled me into believing that I could do all things through Christ if he really cared about them…but maybe I was just created to be a fat person. Maybe I should just get used to it and stop fighting my desires for the poison I called food. 

When you say you can’t eat something, the first reaction from many well-meaning friends is that you are going overboard with your healthy eating plan. “Oh, a little bit won’t hurt you.” Seriously? I have heard that five thousand times. If I went into anaphylaxis every time I ate one of these poisons, as if I were allergic to peanuts or strawberries, my friends would do everything in their power to keep those things away from me. If I were an alcoholic, they would avoid ordering wine with their dinner, even if it were their choice of beverage. But, say no thank you to fries, or chocolate cake, or tell them I am avoiding processed foods as much as possible, and you would think I had lost my mind. 

I get so tired of the lectures about moderation. I know people mean well, but to say that, sounds as if they think we are sitting down to 2 dozen donuts and a pound of bacon with 12 eggs and a gallon of milk every morning. That is truly not the case for most overweight people. Yes, those are the ones you hear about on the sensationalized, reality TV shows; but in reality, (pun intended) most of us who are overweight are not consistently eating huge amounts of food. Not to say that I have never eaten more than I should…of course I have…but suggesting moderation as if it is a new idea is just adding insult to an already frustrating situation.

Honestly, it’s not that most of us don’t know what to do. It’s that we don’t know how to do it. So, here we go…step two. Believe that a power, greater than ourselves can restore us to sanity. Many of my blog followers are Christians. I wonder if we believe what we say we believe? And if so, do we apply that belief to our weight? To our control of the foods we put in our body? To our sanity? If not, it’s time we did.

Today, I believe that my God is fully able to restore sanity to my eating habits. I will likely have to pray for the same thing tomorrow. But, He will be able to do it tomorrow too. 

Step One...Admit That I Am Powerless Over...

Hello, my name is Pamela and I am addicted to food.

No, seriously, after months of watching for triggers that knock me off track and charting my habits with total honesty, I can honestly say I am addicted to foods that are destructive to my body. It always sounded like insanity when people talked about food addiction. It’s not like being addicted to drugs, tobacco, or alcohol; right? Everyone has to eat, right?

Most experts say that the key to health is to eat a nutritious diet, with a treat that’s not so healthy once in a while. It’s the all things in moderation theory. I know for a fact that works, for some people. However, I have known for years that this methodology does not work for me. I am an all or nothing person when it comes to eating. I can do very well eating healthy, losing weight, staying in the mindset that I will not eat things that are not good for me. That is, until I am in a situation where the only thing available is what is not good for me…or if the thing that is healthy is something I don’t like. Then, I am off and running headlong into a junk food binge. I see it happening, I know what I am doing, I know I should not, I understand the results of the behavior; but I want it so badly at that moment that I begin to justify immediately. I say things like, “Okay, I’ll start again tomorrow.” “I’ll just have one.” “Next time I’ll be more prepared for the limited menu.” On and on it goes, but I don’t stop at one, and sometimes it takes months before my new start “tomorrow” actually happens.

It is like an alcoholic who has been sober for a year, who suddenly finds himself toasting at a wedding, thinking one drink of champagne won’t hurt, then hits the liquor store on the way home and binges on Crown Royal for the next six weeks. Yes, an addiction to food is just like that. At least it is for me.

I began looking back over all of the times I have started to take better care of my health through proper nutrition and exercise and all the times I have failed. I have lost tons of weight over the years, been extremely excited about my progress and completely  committed to living the rest of my life with those healthy habits. And then, I take my nephew through a drive through, smell the fragrance of grease, salt and low quality meat…and there I go…I find myself ordering a super-sized value meal, knowing the whole time I don’t need it, and worse than that , I don’t even like it. Yes, that is what made me look more closely at the possibility of an addiction. I don’t like the way most of those foods taste, I don’t like the way they feel in my mouth, I don’t like the guilt I feel after I eat them, yet I am drawn to them in the largest possible packaging. It is truly unexplainable, even to myself.

While I was looking at my strange food behaviors, I started to think back to the days when I attended some NA and AA meetings with a friend to support her in her recovery. I was not addicted to those things, and I truly didn’t understand how they could sit there and say how much drugs or alcohol had ruined their lives, how much damage it had done to their bodies and how much they didn’t even like the taste or the out of control feelings; yet they couldn’t stop going back to it. Why would anyone keep doing something so harmful if they didn’t enjoy every part of the experience?

For more photos and information
 about this experiment click here.

Looking at my food addiction, I still don’t understand they why, but I do understand the how. I have a lot more research to do into food addiction, I wonder if it has something to do with the preservatives in the foods we eat? I know fast food is loaded with preservatives to give it a longer shelf life. Have you seen those experiments where they take a burger, donut, or similar foods and put them on a shelf for a few weeks? The dry up, get hard, and sit there looking very similar to the way they did when they were fresh. They don’t even mold. One time, I pulled a fast food bag from under the seat of my car. I don’t know how many months it had been there. I am sure I stuffed it there to keep anyone from seeing I had been through the chain’s drive through. I opened it out of curiosity, and there it was, a partially eaten hamburger, still in-tact. I was shocked. Again, I didn’t give it too much thought until recently. Is it the preservatives I am addicted to? A few weeks ago, as I shoved a guilt ridden, filled sponge cake into my mouth, I thought “Wow, this doesn’t even taste good.” But I ate it anyway, and then at the other two that were waiting in the bonus pack. Even typing it now sounds absurd to me. I thought I was insane, but suddenly a light came on and I realized it must be something in these foods that keeps me coming back, almost mindlessly to eat them over and over again. If I stay completely away from anything processed or “fast” food. I don’t have the same problem. I can eat things I cook myself in moderation. I can order fresh foods from larger restaurants and be satisfied with a small serving, even taking a to go box many times. It is only the processed, fast-food products that cause me to fall off the food-wagon.

I made a list of the foods I like the taste of from fast food restaurants.

Berry Smoothie

Apple dippers

But those are not the foods I order. 

Then I made a list of the processed foods I like. Things like processed frozen entrees, boxed dinners and snack cakes.

Hmmm…there was nothing I could put on that list except dark chocolate bars…which are technically not an extremely processed food…and if I eat one, I can eat it over a day, and when it’s gone I don’t NEED another right away. Yet, I purchase and consume other products regularly if I am not forcing myself to avoid them.

Yep…a short list indeed. I honestly don’t like the taste of fast food. But, if I go to a fast food restaurant with a friend, or because it’s more fun for my nieces and nephews to get a toy with their meal, I will order and I will eat it all…even as I am thinking about how much I don’t like the taste. Then, for the next several weeks, I will crave that food, and am likely to make several stops to get it. Unless I absolutely force myself to avoid it, I will not. Once I have not eaten it for a few weeks, I don’t even want it…until the next time circumstances take me there. It is a vicious cycle that looks so much like those I met in NA and AA that I cannot explain it in any way other than to call it an addiction.

I still have a lot of research to do about this issue…but for today, I am taking care of my body. I am choosing to live and not to eat things I know are not good for me. Today I am back to my healthy habits and creating a lifestyle that will help me avoid the triggers of this addiction.

If you are struggling with this too, I invite you to join me in this journey.

Step one: Admit that I am powerless over this addiction.

Keep coming back. It works if you work it.