Celebrating day 42 with a great recipe

Hi my name is Pamela and I am addicted to processed, unhealthy foods.

Wow, hard to believe it has been 42 days since I realized food addiction was the primary cause of my weight issues and was leading me toward health problems and aches and pains as each day passed.

42 days in, I am happy to say, as of this morning, I have lost 29 pounds. This is amazing to me because I am not counting calories, I'm not on any specific plan, I'm not writing down every morsel I put in my mouth. I am simply saying no to any foods that are processed, packaged or made specifically for the fast food industry. I have consumed cheese, red meat and even a small slice of homemade apple pie. Yes, those things are limited in my daily routine and I would not eat them every day, but none of those foods are triggers for binges on large amounts of calorie laden, unhealthy foods. It was very freeing to discover that foods made from scratch without preservatives, even if they contain some sugar or a little bit of fat, are not triggers. Of course this convinces me even more of the dangers/problems with processed foods. I am still researching that and when I feel like I know what I am talking about a little more, I will post the results of my study. In the mean time, I'm celebrating the freedom of walking each day in food sobriety. I don't have a weight loss goal set because as I wrote previously, it isn't as much about losing weight as it is about being healthy. But, just so that none of the readers get concerned about the weight loss, I could easily lose another 70 to 80 pounds without being in danger of being under weight. ;) I don't know if my body will shed that much or not. Wherever the number lands I will still work out my food-sobriety each day, sometimes each hour. Just like a alcoholic or drug addict, this will not go away and no matter what my body weight or BMI I must be committed to food sobriety for the rest of my life.

This morning I made a wonderful wild rice dish. In celebration of 42 days of food-sobriety, here is the recipe.

Wild Spanish Rice

4 cups cooked wild rice
1 cup chopped green onion
1 cup enchilada sauce
1 large can, chopped green chiles
1 cup shredded cheddar/jack cheese

Stir all ingredients into rice over medium heat. Keep stirring as mixture heats. (to avoid scorching) If you want to add some lean protein to this dish, add 1 cup of diced, cooked chicken breast. Serve as a side dish or as a wonderful lunch. It's great served with a side of fruit or stuffed in a tomato or bell pepper. This will serve 6 to 8 adults as a side dish, or at least 4 as a main dish.

Enjoy!

Keep coming back, It works if you work it!

Let's Dance

Hi my name is Pamela and I am a recovering addict.

Wow, I can hardly believe 28 days have passed since I first posted about this addiction. Today is my 29^th day of food-sobriety and I feel terrific. I never knew I could feel so free while taking better care of myself. In AA and NA they use the serenity prayer as a mantra in each meeting. I decided to start each day incorporating that into my morning talks with my Heavenly Father. ­

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, (like the ingredients in processed food that triggers a binge in my body, or the fact that stress can be a trigger for me too.) The courage to change the things I can (I can change the way I react to those triggers and I can change what I eat so that most of those triggers are avoided. I can get enough sleep, and drink enough water so that my body is operating fully charged and fueled properly) and the wisdom to know the difference (I must do what I can do this day, this moment, unless I am healthy and walking in food sobriety, I cannot be useful to anyone else.)

Step 4 says this, “Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.”

When I first read it I didn’t think that really applied to food addiction. I mean, overall I am one of the most moral people I know. I don’t even watch TV that has violence or illicit sexual themes, I don’t get drunk, I don’t use drugs, I don’t usually cuss, I love my country, my mama and my dog, I don’t cheat on my husband…Yep, I could go on and on. Moral inventory seemed more appropriate for people who struggle with bad morals. But, I want to do this with integrity, so I decided to ask God to show me anything I needed to recognize as immoral in my life, or anything that was hindering me from the freedom to live healthy and food-wise in sobriety.

We tend to label things according to what we find to be moral, but none of us is without sin, therefore no one is completely moral. Lusting after Nutty Bars, Committing Gluttony with French onion dip, following a binge with sloth thereby keeping every calorie preserved in our hips and many other practices of the food-addict are all immoral by God’s standard. If we really allow God to show us the truth of our lives and take that FEARLESS moral inventory, we will recognize the things we CAN change with the help of God.

The good thing is, I already took a moral inventory at the same time I admitted my powerlessness over this addiction in step one. The hard part is, there is still more God is revealing to me as I walk in my sobriety and these steps are not a group of instructions that you follow one at a time until you have worked all 12. All 12 have to be worked all the time. Initially you have to come to understand them one at a time, but I believe these steps are more like a dance than a lesson plan. Thankfully most dances I know don’t have 12 steps to learn, but this life of sobriety is like, 1-2-3-Kick…repeat.  Every day that I dance in food sobriety is a day closer to understanding how much God can use me when I am not under bondage to unhealthy foods and stress induced habits.

Let’s dance!

Three and a half weeks in...

Hi, my name is Pamela and I am addicted to unhealthy & processed foods.

Three-and-a-half weeks into food-sobriety and I feel amazing. I was elated when the first 15 pounds came off so easily just because I was not participating in my addiction to processed or sugary foods. But, the first 10-15 pounds always comes off easily, so I rationalized that it would slow down right away. I didn’t want to be discouraged if my food-sobriety didn’t always have that awesome side effect. Well, so-far I have lost 24 pounds, and yes, I do expect it to slow down at some point and I will have to increase exercise to keep the weight coming down, if that is what I choose.

The great thing is, I get to make that choice. My big discovery this week is that I am seeking food-sobriety, and choosing to walk in that sobriety with God’s help on a daily basis FOR ME. My motivation is not to lose x number of pounds by a certain date or event, it’s not to impress my viewers or readers and it’s not even because my mom has been telling me I should get some weight off. For the first time in my life, no one else is making this choice for me. For the first time in my life, it is truly not primarily about a number on the scale, but about staying sober and vigilant about my food choices. It’s not even that absolutely everything I am eating would be considered the healthiest by some people. I eat regular cheese, I eat red meat sometimes, I even ate some stroganoff the other night…but I’m not eating any of the foods that I know will trigger a binge.

I did get caught unexpectedly this past Sunday. A friend and I went to lunch after church. The restaurant serves baskets of popcorn on each table, fresh and warm. I thought, A few pieces of popcorn sounds good. So I ate a few. Not more than 10 and I was fine. I thought, Cool, that was tasty. We ate our lunch and went our separate ways. I was surprised that on the way home I had an urge to swing through a drive through. I didn’t even know what I wanted…my body was just signaling that I wasn’t fully satisfied with lunch. I knew better. I had enjoyed two servings of squash, onions and peppers and a petite steak. I was fine. Still, even as I resisted that urge and arrived home everything in me, except my spirit and my will, craved something else to eat. I thought back on my food choices for the day…what had I eaten to trigger the craving? It was the popcorn, the popcorn oil/salt combo they use on it is like what movie theater’s use. I am positive it has ingredients that are not natural, but I didn’t consider that before I ate it.

With the mystery solved I was able to avoid a binge, but it was a tough afternoon. Lesson learned…if I do want popcorn I will select a natural variety and pop it myself, that way I know what I am putting into my body.

How about you, what were your successes and struggles this week?

Step 3: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, (as we understand Him.)

I am amazed at the difference in my body and my mind after just over two weeks of food-sobriety. Truly I have not ever gone two weeks without even one of the foods my body is addicted to. I have lost weight many times and have eaten “healthy” for months in a row; but not without cheating at some point, even in the first two weeks. I didn’t call it cheating, I justified it using the mantra we have been taught since birth, “everything is fine in moderation.” That is just not true. At least not for me, and not for someone addicted to unhealthy ingredients in processed foods. Moderate amounts of healthy, natural foods are great, but just as you wouldn’t feed on moderate amounts of arsenic, consuming moderate amounts of chemical preservatives, fillers and trans fats is not healthy and leads us off the path of food sobriety.

I bought into the idea, hook, line and sinker. It’s health-seeker-friendly actually, even though it is fallible. We would love to believe that if we usually eat healthy, here is nothing wrong with cheating once in a while. That works for millions of people, but it does not work for an addict. The idea of moderation made me believe that weight-loss and healthy eating were something I could manipulate and control through games of just- one-bite, okay, maybe one, and well, it’s a special occasion.  There was no way, as an addict, that I could limit myself to those games. Even IF I stopped at one in public, the binge that came later left me feeling like a failure and clouded with depression over my poor choice and lack of willpower.

My solution could be called bulemia by some, but I believe it was more of a symptom of the addiction. I could hide my binges if I kept losing weight. I could deny the lack of control, if there was one thing I could control. Yes, I am saying it…for the first time publicly. The binge/purge cycle that began in high-school never left my thoughts and while for years I did not surrender to the practice, as an adult in my late 30s and early 40s it became a controllable defense against the cycle of
addiction I had yet to realize.

I knew I had to stop. I couldn’t keep throwing up all the time without causing more damage to my body and it wasn’t working anyway. My weight loss had come to a stop and I was actually gaining weight, again. So, I stopped purging out of fear, but binges didn’t stop. I still craved my drug of choice; processed, sugary, fat laden foods.

Honesty is key. I have always known the scripture that tells us, “The truth will set you free,” I just never equated eating with dishonesty. Although, there is really no other way to describe baking a cake in the microwave, eating the whole thing and hiding the box in the bottom of the trash can so no one will notice. I cannot excuse telling the sixteen year old in the drive through that I was taking dinner to my husband in the field so they wouldn’t look at me funny when I ordered two extra value meals. Indeed my addiction had caused me to explain away odd behavior and unhealthy patterns, and in the thick of it, I didn’t even realize it was just plain dishonesty. I was not only addicted to those foods, I had become a liar too.

Today is different. This is a new day and a new life. I choose this day to walk in wholeness, wellness and food-sobriety. I choose to allow my will and my life to be fully in the care of God.  Today marks my 17^th day of food-sobriety and the completion of step 3 in the 12 step cycle. The bonus? As of this morning, sobriety has led to a 17-pound loss of unhealthy toxins and fats from the body that belongs to God, on loan to me for as long as HE wills. 

Deconstructed Apple Pie for Breakfast (AKA Apple Pie Hash)

Hi my name is Pamela and I am addicted to unhealthy foods.

Many food addicts struggle with the fist meal of the day. Perhaps breakfast is difficult because our body is enjoying the fast from the chemical preservatives and junk we typically fill it with during the day. As a result we don't feel hungry in the morning. I have noticed that when I am walking in the addiction, I cannot stand the thought of eating early in the day...but when I am eating healthy everything is different. I am actually ready for a huge glass of water and within a half hour of being up, I need to eat. But what to eat??? Yes, I keep a box of Cheerios on hand because it makes a great fast breakfast on days I don't have a lot of time. But I like to be creative so I'm not limited to cereal, veggie omelets and oatmeal. 

This is one of my favorite things to have for breakfast and it packs nutrients including protein, vitamin C, and more...and it's so good. Enjoy

Pamela's Healthy Garden - Apple Pie Hash

2 apples shredded (I like to use Granny Smith, Jonathan and/or Fuji)

2 tsp cinnamon

½ tsp nutmeg

1 Pkt Truvia

1 egg

1 ounce fat free shredded cheddar cheese  (If you shred it yourself, that will look like about a quarter cup)

Combine apples, spices, Truvia and egg until all ingredients are well incorporated. Heat skillet over med/high until water droplets sizzle when sprinkled on skillet. Spray skillet with non-stick spray. Spoon a quarter of the mixture into the skillet. Repeat until all of mixture is used as long as you have room in your skillet to turn your apple pies. Cook until golden brown, and holding together. Flip carefully to cook the other side. (I use two spatulas to keep the delicate patties in tact) It takes about 2 minutes on each side. You want to cook these a little slower than other types of griddle cakes so the apple softens a bit. Flip again, sprinkle cheddar on top, dividing it between each one. Cover and turn off burner, remove skillet from heat if using an electric stove. Serve as soon as cheese is melted to your preference. You can serve this without melting the cheese if you prefer.

You could dump the whole mixture in the pan and toss it until the apples are tender, allowing it to brown on each side...but the presentation is so pretty with the patties...and you know, I'm all about presentation. LOL.

Serves 2, less than 200 calories per serving. 

Enjoy, and keep coming back. It works if you work it. 

Week One...

Hi, my name is Pamela and I am addicted to unhealthy food.

Here I am, one week into recovery and I have lost 9 pounds. I have not counted calories, I have not measured things, I have not "dieted". I have simply started each day committing to food sobriety. There were a few times that it was a little bit challenging. I'm not going to lie, this journey to healthy wholeness is not going to be without temptation or speed bumps. But, it is completely necessary if I am going to live past 50. (That's only 6 years away...Yikes)

My first hurdle of the week came Friday morning. I was heading home from work and was suddenly so hungry. I had eaten breafkast, but it was almost lunchtime, but my reaction surprised me. My brain immediately started gps-ing the closest fast food drive through. It was like a map was broadcast in my head. This time though, I did not see that as a response to hunger, but as a response to addiction. Yes, I needed to eat fairly soon, but I was not going to die without an immediate food fix. I could drive home and walk to the kitchen in order to satisfy my hunger. Whew, situation averted, food-sobriety in check.

The second hurdle was Sunday Morning at church. No, I was NOT tempted to raid the communion closet for crackers. I was however, positioned in a room very close to three boxes of donuts. I was visiting our youth Sunday School for a new column I'm writing for a magazine in the teen market. I was the first one in the classroom other than whomever had delivered the sweet treats for the class. The smell of sugared bread filled the room. My mouth watered. I went to sit at the table furthest from the donuts, and sipped my bottle of water while I waited for the class to get there. Of course that only added to the scene. As soon as the teens arrived it was a donut  frenzy. Powedered sugar everywhere,  muffled voices talking with their mouths full of pastry, cream and frosting. I was doing okay though, My water was nearly empty and I felt full enough to ignore my brain's direction to "just have one, it's no big deal." Soon the teacher took control of his class, and introduced me so that I could talk to the kids. Whew, I made it...food-sobriety in tact one more time.

Driving home from church I reflected on the morning. I won't conquer this addiction one day at a time. It must be achieved one moment at a time. Making the right choice and committing my will to the power of God in my life at each turn is the only way I am going to stop the cycle of addiction in my life.

At home that afternoon I did something I hadn't done in years. I allowed myself to take a nap. Growing up our whole family enjoyed a little Sunday Siesta after church, but as an adult I always feel guilty if I take a nap. But, I have noticed, that when I am very tired, I will eat out of a desire to refuel, often choosing sugary or starchy foods thinking I need the energy. What if I truly just need a little rest? Indeed, I felt refreshed and ready to finish the day after my slumber. But, I woke up a little past when I should have started cooking supper for my hubby. The solution? Call the Pizza Place.

Oh boy...here we go...I'm sure I am the only one to ever do this, but I usually cannot make it home with a full pizza. The smell get's the best of me and I always lift the lid and pull out a slice on the drive home. I know, it's crazy, but it has been a very real part of this food addiction for years. We live 30 minutes from the nearest pizza place, and sadly, I have consumed half of a pizza by the time I hit my drive way on more than one occasion. It's embarrassing to admit it...but it's true. So, I had to go pick up the pizza for the family. Before I left I decided what I was having for supper so I could look forward to that, hoping it would keep me from falling into the pizza box.

It worked. I put the pizza in the back seat where I could not easily reach it and it made it home with every piece in place. I'm not saying I can never have a slice of pizza without falling of the food wagon, but I certainly don't need to mindlessly munch on the drive home.

My dinner was watermelon and it was so good. After I ate that I did enjoy a slice of pizza, but not half the pie. And, I skipped the meat-lovers for a slice filled with veggies. I was shocked that just a slice could be satisfying, but eating it rationally, after filling up on healthier choices, allowed me to actually enjoy it. Sometimes HOW we eat is as important as WHAT we eat.

So, the result after the first week? I am still addicted to food, but I have achieved one week of food-sobriety and I will continue to walk in that for another day, week, month, year...hopefully the rest of my life. If I can do this, so can you.

Keep coming back, it works if we work it.

Step Two: I believe that a Power greater than myself can restore me to sanity.

.My name is Pamela and I am addicted to food. 

Yes, I will likely start many blog posts that way for a long time. Why? Because it is the truth and in order to gain control of an addiction, you must start with truth. I looked up the 12 steps of AA and over the next few weeks I am going to apply them to my relationship with food, posting frequently to this blog. I need the accountability of all of you. And we all need to know we are not alone in this journey. Please feel free to comment with your stories, re-post the blog on your facebook pages and take an active role in your own recovery and journey toward better health. 

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I have always believed, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” I still do. But the guilt over my weight had crippled me into believing that I could do all things through Christ if he really cared about them…but maybe I was just created to be a fat person. Maybe I should just get used to it and stop fighting my desires for the poison I called food. 

When you say you can’t eat something, the first reaction from many well-meaning friends is that you are going overboard with your healthy eating plan. “Oh, a little bit won’t hurt you.” Seriously? I have heard that five thousand times. If I went into anaphylaxis every time I ate one of these poisons, as if I were allergic to peanuts or strawberries, my friends would do everything in their power to keep those things away from me. If I were an alcoholic, they would avoid ordering wine with their dinner, even if it were their choice of beverage. But, say no thank you to fries, or chocolate cake, or tell them I am avoiding processed foods as much as possible, and you would think I had lost my mind. 

I get so tired of the lectures about moderation. I know people mean well, but to say that, sounds as if they think we are sitting down to 2 dozen donuts and a pound of bacon with 12 eggs and a gallon of milk every morning. That is truly not the case for most overweight people. Yes, those are the ones you hear about on the sensationalized, reality TV shows; but in reality, (pun intended) most of us who are overweight are not consistently eating huge amounts of food. Not to say that I have never eaten more than I should…of course I have…but suggesting moderation as if it is a new idea is just adding insult to an already frustrating situation.

Honestly, it’s not that most of us don’t know what to do. It’s that we don’t know how to do it. So, here we go…step two. Believe that a power, greater than ourselves can restore us to sanity. Many of my blog followers are Christians. I wonder if we believe what we say we believe? And if so, do we apply that belief to our weight? To our control of the foods we put in our body? To our sanity? If not, it’s time we did.

Today, I believe that my God is fully able to restore sanity to my eating habits. I will likely have to pray for the same thing tomorrow. But, He will be able to do it tomorrow too. 

Step One...Admit That I Am Powerless Over...

Hello, my name is Pamela and I am addicted to food.

No, seriously, after months of watching for triggers that knock me off track and charting my habits with total honesty, I can honestly say I am addicted to foods that are destructive to my body. It always sounded like insanity when people talked about food addiction. It’s not like being addicted to drugs, tobacco, or alcohol; right? Everyone has to eat, right?

Most experts say that the key to health is to eat a nutritious diet, with a treat that’s not so healthy once in a while. It’s the all things in moderation theory. I know for a fact that works, for some people. However, I have known for years that this methodology does not work for me. I am an all or nothing person when it comes to eating. I can do very well eating healthy, losing weight, staying in the mindset that I will not eat things that are not good for me. That is, until I am in a situation where the only thing available is what is not good for me…or if the thing that is healthy is something I don’t like. Then, I am off and running headlong into a junk food binge. I see it happening, I know what I am doing, I know I should not, I understand the results of the behavior; but I want it so badly at that moment that I begin to justify immediately. I say things like, “Okay, I’ll start again tomorrow.” “I’ll just have one.” “Next time I’ll be more prepared for the limited menu.” On and on it goes, but I don’t stop at one, and sometimes it takes months before my new start “tomorrow” actually happens.

It is like an alcoholic who has been sober for a year, who suddenly finds himself toasting at a wedding, thinking one drink of champagne won’t hurt, then hits the liquor store on the way home and binges on Crown Royal for the next six weeks. Yes, an addiction to food is just like that. At least it is for me.

I began looking back over all of the times I have started to take better care of my health through proper nutrition and exercise and all the times I have failed. I have lost tons of weight over the years, been extremely excited about my progress and completely  committed to living the rest of my life with those healthy habits. And then, I take my nephew through a drive through, smell the fragrance of grease, salt and low quality meat…and there I go…I find myself ordering a super-sized value meal, knowing the whole time I don’t need it, and worse than that , I don’t even like it. Yes, that is what made me look more closely at the possibility of an addiction. I don’t like the way most of those foods taste, I don’t like the way they feel in my mouth, I don’t like the guilt I feel after I eat them, yet I am drawn to them in the largest possible packaging. It is truly unexplainable, even to myself.

While I was looking at my strange food behaviors, I started to think back to the days when I attended some NA and AA meetings with a friend to support her in her recovery. I was not addicted to those things, and I truly didn’t understand how they could sit there and say how much drugs or alcohol had ruined their lives, how much damage it had done to their bodies and how much they didn’t even like the taste or the out of control feelings; yet they couldn’t stop going back to it. Why would anyone keep doing something so harmful if they didn’t enjoy every part of the experience?

For more photos and information
 about this experiment click here.

Looking at my food addiction, I still don’t understand they why, but I do understand the how. I have a lot more research to do into food addiction, I wonder if it has something to do with the preservatives in the foods we eat? I know fast food is loaded with preservatives to give it a longer shelf life. Have you seen those experiments where they take a burger, donut, or similar foods and put them on a shelf for a few weeks? The dry up, get hard, and sit there looking very similar to the way they did when they were fresh. They don’t even mold. One time, I pulled a fast food bag from under the seat of my car. I don’t know how many months it had been there. I am sure I stuffed it there to keep anyone from seeing I had been through the chain’s drive through. I opened it out of curiosity, and there it was, a partially eaten hamburger, still in-tact. I was shocked. Again, I didn’t give it too much thought until recently. Is it the preservatives I am addicted to? A few weeks ago, as I shoved a guilt ridden, filled sponge cake into my mouth, I thought “Wow, this doesn’t even taste good.” But I ate it anyway, and then at the other two that were waiting in the bonus pack. Even typing it now sounds absurd to me. I thought I was insane, but suddenly a light came on and I realized it must be something in these foods that keeps me coming back, almost mindlessly to eat them over and over again. If I stay completely away from anything processed or “fast” food. I don’t have the same problem. I can eat things I cook myself in moderation. I can order fresh foods from larger restaurants and be satisfied with a small serving, even taking a to go box many times. It is only the processed, fast-food products that cause me to fall off the food-wagon.

I made a list of the foods I like the taste of from fast food restaurants.

Berry Smoothie

Apple dippers

But those are not the foods I order. 

Then I made a list of the processed foods I like. Things like processed frozen entrees, boxed dinners and snack cakes.

Hmmm…there was nothing I could put on that list except dark chocolate bars…which are technically not an extremely processed food…and if I eat one, I can eat it over a day, and when it’s gone I don’t NEED another right away. Yet, I purchase and consume other products regularly if I am not forcing myself to avoid them.

Yep…a short list indeed. I honestly don’t like the taste of fast food. But, if I go to a fast food restaurant with a friend, or because it’s more fun for my nieces and nephews to get a toy with their meal, I will order and I will eat it all…even as I am thinking about how much I don’t like the taste. Then, for the next several weeks, I will crave that food, and am likely to make several stops to get it. Unless I absolutely force myself to avoid it, I will not. Once I have not eaten it for a few weeks, I don’t even want it…until the next time circumstances take me there. It is a vicious cycle that looks so much like those I met in NA and AA that I cannot explain it in any way other than to call it an addiction.

I still have a lot of research to do about this issue…but for today, I am taking care of my body. I am choosing to live and not to eat things I know are not good for me. Today I am back to my healthy habits and creating a lifestyle that will help me avoid the triggers of this addiction.

If you are struggling with this too, I invite you to join me in this journey.

Step one: Admit that I am powerless over this addiction.

Keep coming back. It works if you work it.