Step 3: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, (as we understand Him.)

I am amazed at the difference in my body and my mind after just over two weeks of food-sobriety. Truly I have not ever gone two weeks without even one of the foods my body is addicted to. I have lost weight many times and have eaten “healthy” for months in a row; but not without cheating at some point, even in the first two weeks. I didn’t call it cheating, I justified it using the mantra we have been taught since birth, “everything is fine in moderation.” That is just not true. At least not for me, and not for someone addicted to unhealthy ingredients in processed foods. Moderate amounts of healthy, natural foods are great, but just as you wouldn’t feed on moderate amounts of arsenic, consuming moderate amounts of chemical preservatives, fillers and trans fats is not healthy and leads us off the path of food sobriety.

I bought into the idea, hook, line and sinker. It’s health-seeker-friendly actually, even though it is fallible. We would love to believe that if we usually eat healthy, here is nothing wrong with cheating once in a while. That works for millions of people, but it does not work for an addict. The idea of moderation made me believe that weight-loss and healthy eating were something I could manipulate and control through games of just- one-bite, okay, maybe one, and well, it’s a special occasion.  There was no way, as an addict, that I could limit myself to those games. Even IF I stopped at one in public, the binge that came later left me feeling like a failure and clouded with depression over my poor choice and lack of willpower.

My solution could be called bulemia by some, but I believe it was more of a symptom of the addiction. I could hide my binges if I kept losing weight. I could deny the lack of control, if there was one thing I could control. Yes, I am saying it…for the first time publicly. The binge/purge cycle that began in high-school never left my thoughts and while for years I did not surrender to the practice, as an adult in my late 30s and early 40s it became a controllable defense against the cycle of
addiction I had yet to realize.

I knew I had to stop. I couldn’t keep throwing up all the time without causing more damage to my body and it wasn’t working anyway. My weight loss had come to a stop and I was actually gaining weight, again. So, I stopped purging out of fear, but binges didn’t stop. I still craved my drug of choice; processed, sugary, fat laden foods.

Honesty is key. I have always known the scripture that tells us, “The truth will set you free,” I just never equated eating with dishonesty. Although, there is really no other way to describe baking a cake in the microwave, eating the whole thing and hiding the box in the bottom of the trash can so no one will notice. I cannot excuse telling the sixteen year old in the drive through that I was taking dinner to my husband in the field so they wouldn’t look at me funny when I ordered two extra value meals. Indeed my addiction had caused me to explain away odd behavior and unhealthy patterns, and in the thick of it, I didn’t even realize it was just plain dishonesty. I was not only addicted to those foods, I had become a liar too.

Today is different. This is a new day and a new life. I choose this day to walk in wholeness, wellness and food-sobriety. I choose to allow my will and my life to be fully in the care of God.  Today marks my 17^th day of food-sobriety and the completion of step 3 in the 12 step cycle. The bonus? As of this morning, sobriety has led to a 17-pound loss of unhealthy toxins and fats from the body that belongs to God, on loan to me for as long as HE wills.